I missed church today, because I got wrapped up in checking my various social networking website, then took the time to read some blogs. I wonder if, if I go to hell, it will consist of me in a room that only holds a computer....with no Internet. Seems fitting.
My church has always been my touchstone for reality and for love. When I was younger and "living it up", my church family let me know that they missed me and wished I would come back to services. When I moved off to Denver to live with my 39 year old boyfriend of six months (not the brightest idea I've ever had), they wished me luck and offered to help me find a good church there. When I moved home, broken, overweight, and severely depressed, they opened their arms and held me to their bosom, whispering words of comfort and love.
This church has always been perfect for me. But, lately, I find myself ready to move on. I've had a major falling out with a church member, so bad that I can't stand to see her face. I've tried praying for relief from my anger...didn't work. I've tried talking about it to a select few that I can trust, in the hopes of getting it out of my system...didn't work. I've tried glaring at this person and not speaking to them...didn't work...and made me feel like a bratty teenager. As a result of these feelings, I've decided to find a different church. I can't stay on at mine.
Am I giving up? Yes, to some extent, I am. Am I allowing this person to win? Yes. Am I a weak person? No. I'm not. I just don't want to perpetuate the social stereotype of Southern Baptists (i. e. being a hypocrite). I don't want to wake up one day and find myself HATING church. I want to find a church with a young adult program (there are two of us at my church now).
For now, however, I'm going to read my Bible and say a prayer.
*I found the following interesting. It's a picture that denote the amount of Baptists in each area. Btw, I live in a 25.1-50.0 area.
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6 comments:
I'm looking for a church too. It can be hard to find a good one.
I am no help on the church thing at all, but I hope you find one that works for you.
Love you!
Jay and I have struggled with that. I have many hang ups when it comes to Southern Baptists, so it's been difficult to find a regular church. I think you and i are a lot alike as far as being skeptic as to what we believe and indulge in. So my advice is to try different denominations in other areas, where you may not know any of the other members. I found that i feel more welcome and more at home in a church where i'm a stranger than i ever have in churches that i grew up in. Eddie Cole used to say "as long as they preach the truth of the Bible, and not change the Word" then it would be a church worth visiting and/or joining. Good luck with it and keep praying about it. God will lead you somewhere!
@ Tina: I still love my church family and my pastor...I just can't get over my anger towards this person. Grr.
@ Mike: Thanks!
@ Leah: Have you tried Cropwell Baptist?
Cropwell is actually where i'm a member. My mom goes there. It was the church where my sister went too, but since she died, i haven't been able to go back. We go to Eden Westside occasionally and have visited at Victory. I've found a few churches in Bham that i liked more though...i kinda like being away from the traditional southern baptist genre. But Cropwell is a great church overall if you're thinking of visiting.
First, your description of "Hell" definitely sounds like torture to me, too. I've been late for work in the past, due to catching up on Myspace/Facebook/Blogspot, so I know how distracting that can be.
Second, I'm not a church person myself, but it sucks that you feel the need to take such drastic action, just because of this one person. My first thought was, how hard is it to just avoid her? I don't know how big this church is, but just sit on the other side of the aisle. But, then again, I guess the point is that shouldn't have to even think about purposely avoiding someone when you're going to church. Your mind should be totally clear so, if it's not, then I guess it's best to move on.
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