The End of the Darkness

I struggled through the emotions. Through the tears and the low self-esteem. I gained my five extra pounds, then lost fifteen. I hid in my hole, refusing to allow myself to open up to anyone. I opened up and made new friends, went on dates, and then decided to not date for awhile.

But it took being able to download that song that always reminded me of you, that song that used to make me cry, to know that my darkness is over. I listened to that song five times today, singing at the top of my lungs. I imagined myself dancing wildly to the lyrics, throwing out my arms and screaming, "PRAISE GOD, IT'S FINALLY OVER!"

I no longer worry about my outfits, wondering if the one I chose would live up to your expectations. I no longer try to convince myself that I'm attractive, because you never told me I was. I no longer have to force myself to believe that I AM smart. You didn't think I was.

Now, I know I am all those things and more. I am the girl that gets second glances and compliments from other women. I am the girl that little children believe to be Hanna Montana. I am the girl that got an "A" on EVERY English paper in a class that the teacher normally refuses to give out a single "A" in.

I am back to being me. I am back to demanding better from my boyfriends, from my peers, and, most importantly, from myself. I refuse to ever let someone make me feel less than I'm worth, simply because they can't understand who I am and why I feel so comfortable with myself.

I refuse to date again until I find someone worthy of me. Someone who I know I can trust. Someone I know that understands me. I know there is no Prince Charming, there is no such thing as a fairy tale.

I just want that nice guy that understands my weirdness, my sense of humor, and possibly loves my pretty cat, Tinkerbelle.

If I don't find him, I'll be okay. I'll love me enough for both of us anyway...